Here’s my latest story on Boston College Quarterback Tyler Murphy.
My Latest post in “Theresmoretothegame”
I’m not exactly sure where the “Why I love Jesus” challenge came from but thanks Vanessa Omoroghomwan for the nomination: I love Jesus because the doctors said I should have died but I’m still alive and well 21 years later. I love him for the amazing parents that he had raise me and the amount of family and friends I have who love me. I love him because he still loves me despite my flaws. I am currently receiving a great education, and have had/ have great work/internship opportunities, because of his love.
To whom much is given much is expected and because of the love Jesus has given me I hope to show others that love from day to day. I now nominate Tamara Desruisseaux, Lakeisha StJoy, and Cusaj D Thomas. I’m giving you 24 hours.
For some it happens when the church bells have just sang their song throughout the town. For others the silence of their own solitude makes the loudest of declarations, while others sit patiently trying to figure this moment. They awaken from their slumber with a jolt as the realization hits them that “THIS” is their God given purpose. For me it was when I started writing this post:
One hour into my typing I had the ingenious idea to save what I had been so thoughtfully creating. Only there was a problem; due to a glitch in cyberspace only the first line had been saved, and there I found my self starting again from the beginning:
From the tiny papers I used to pass notes with in elementary school, to the plethora of PTA meetings where my teachers would say “She’s a smart kid, but she talks a lot” writing has always defined me. To this day I still think those teachers were wrong. I had learned that the word “but” was used to introduce a contradicting statement, and yet I always thought that speech was our way of sharing the thoughts and knowledge that pass though out minds. The very place created to expand my horizons attempted to limit who I was, “a giver of words”.
Peer-pressured snickers arose from my lips as my 7th grade English teacher suggested we all submit a poem for a contest submission. It was corny at the moment, but I later realized that there was no strain to produce a work of art through simple consonants and Vowels. I had enjoyed creating the work, just as much as I enjoyed the teacher announcing to the class that I was now
a published poet with Creative Communications publishing company.
As gallons of ink flowed from my heart, poetry is what kept me sane through the hardest moments of my life.
When my mouth could not express what my heart felt, written emotions are what helped me to write a love letter to my first love.
The day my youngest brother was born, my closest companion since kindergarten moved away and the “postage stamped envelope” helped me keep in contact with her before the internet had fully developed.
From the very first time I wrote my name, up to these words that will ring through your mind, I realize there isn’t ONE moment.
With each movement of the ticking clock we must strive to move forward. When we give one moment precedence over the rest, we cheat ourselves from seeing the beauty of each piece of the big puzzle. This past weekend I was asked, “When did you know this was what you wanted to do?” I was first ashamed for having not thought it through, but my many moments have brought me to the epiphany I share at hour.
This is my defibrillator. My heart has been bestirred. As I reach my third hour in this seat I realize that this is the passion God has instilled in me, to write. My moment has come.
While texting a friend today I said, “our planes are God’s punch lines”, a phrase I had heard once or twice before. The spell check didn’t correct my typo of “plans”, and yet the phrase still held strong meaning. He asked me what it meant, and though I knew the meaning, I had never taken the time to put it into the perspective of my own life and decisions. I then responded with a thought to the extent that “We as humans have a strong control complex which causes us to feel the need to plan every part of our lives and make timelines, when in reality God already knows what is going to happen and he just chuckles”. It is safer to know.
The unknown is the frightening concept of “that which we have no control over”. Everyone wants to be successful and rich, but just as Joel Osteen explained in a podcast I listened to today, you have to “be comfortable with who you are”. No we don’t know where we are supposed to end up, but if we do not start heading there then we may be in turn limiting someone else’s destiny. Teachers do not necessarily get paid the largest of checks, but where would our doctors, lawyers, engineers, and scientists be without one to guide them in the right direction. You told yourself when you “make it big” you will donate money to charities, but what if you are instead called to volunteer in a foreign country and through a non-profit organization help rebuild their infrastructure. We all have gifts and talents that we are called to use whether in a capacity that is big or small. When I was younger I thought that just because I could sing, I was supposed to become a gospel singer, but that was not it. If in my lifetime I sing only one song that touches one heart and I never get any praise or recognition, it is still worth it because my reward is not of this world, but from above.
So why should the chicken cross the road? Of course the Chicken is scared, [pun intended] and has no clue as to what will happen in the time it takes to get from one side to the other, but one thing it can boast in, is that though afraid it continued its journey. God’s punchlines are all in good humor, but why not laugh with him in knowing that his joy is your strength (Neh 8:10) and that he knows the plans that he has for you are of good and not evil (Jer. 29:11). So go ahead and continue crossing the road, because in the end you’re doing it for one reason. To get to the other side with Christ.
Great grandma. Oh yes, a great grandmother she was; and mother and aunt and friend, but she was my GREAT grandma. We called her Gran. *insert Haitian accent*
As I sit in my bed knowing my only class tomorrow is cancelled. My mind wanders off to this amazing woman and as I recall my memories with her it brings tears to my eyes. The first set of tears since her funeral. Now it’s not so much the pain of losing her, but the greater pain of not embracing every moment I could have had with her. I’m the oldest of her great grandchildren and she even lived with me and my family for a few years after my birth. I was able to have her the most, and it helped that she was one of the few people in this world to understand me. Ironic indeed because we never fluently spoke the same language. I taught her English and she taught me Haitian Creole. I remember one time being so proud of her because she had counted to ten in English. I was so young and such a good ESL teacher.
I got into so much trouble as a child, and I couldn’t even tell you why. The many beatings she could have given me or had my parents give me, and yet I remember clear as day doing something bad one day and worrying all day that she would tell my parents. When they got home it was as if nothing had happened and there I had been stressing. The anxiety had been punishment enough. She was so patient with me giving me a different kind of love that was on a whole new level. She moved back with my grandparents and eventually back to Haiti, but every time I did see her she was a breath of life despite her declining health. She was a soldier, never wanting us to see her at her weakest. As I think back to the last few times I saw her, it breaks my heart. Young and foolish the least I could have done was just sit with her even if she could barely see me or speak to me, but yet I was always running off to be with everyone else watching TV wasting time on things I still have a lifetime to do …
My Gran is the closest family I’ve lost in my 20 years, but what hurts the most; The thing I will never understand is how of the 365 days in a year, how she ended up dying on the day of my 20th birthday … I don’t believe in coincidences when I can believe in God, but what exactly does it mean? My pastor always says give the living flowers, they mean nothing when they’re dead. If I knew then what I know now …. I would have sat, listened, and learned. Sat by her side, listened to her story, and learned. I don’t want to have regrets because it’s too late now, but I don’t want to ever let her down again. 1 out of 365 odds are I won’t see this great woman soon, since I have a great legacy to uphold, but odds are I will strive to live the example she modeled for exactly 20 years of my life. Appreciate all whom you love while you still have them. Be sure to Sit, Listen, and Learn, because time is the most precious gift you can give; trust me, you don’t have that much of it. When they leave make them proud by representing their life legacies through your own life. — I love you Gran Alcine. See you in heaven, but ’til then I’ll make you proud. <3
Today’s dental x-rays revealed that I had two cavities. Yea, I know it’s weird right? Colgate smiling ole me. 20 years of A+ teeth in all my previous dentists’ grade-book. Being the best over-dramatic female in the game this basically meant the world was ending …
On my way home, I found myself breaking down in tears asking “why me? What did I do to deserve this”.–Now I am a person that rarely shows my tears, so it caught me off guard when I couldn’t hold the flood of emotion in any longer. I consider crying as a sign of weakness that grants others inside access to our emotions. –I’ve heard that the eyes are the window to the soul so I try not to drench others when it’s raining in here. Some pull out their umbrellas and stay for a while eventually growing weary and cold, while others immediately run to avoid getting “involved” in the rain. The rare few are the ones to bring sunshine, but they don’t come around too often.
So I keep it in. . .Until time has proven that this individual will help walk me through the storm expecting nothing in return.
So there I was driving home, fogging my own windshields with these things we call tears, yet I had just let the most important person in my heart see me at my low point. Instead of leaving, he reminded me that he had died and risen for this. If you never experience fear, then for what reason will you need faith in him? Without loss, why would you need restoration? A time of mourning and gloom is the only reason one longs for joy and peace.
Funny thing is, a week before I had been bragging to my mom on how my teeth were oh so “perfect” and now I had reality drill me in the tooth. My dentist had caught the cavities at their beginning stages so there would be less drilling and more preservation of the teeth. Then the Holy Spirit’s wisdom hit me again, “At times God may need to drill things out of you before they get bigger and become more toxic. He will fill you up so that you are hardly ever the same. Though new “thing” may not feel comfortable at first it will help carry you through.
They drugged me with anesthesia, and the dental assistant kept tapping my head to distract me from the pain. “Tap tap tap tap” she chanted, as she continued hitting my forehead. Distractions may help ease the pain, but the aftermath is that you will feel it until it heals, and remember it even after it has passed. And that healing aids in renewing your strength to an even greater level. In Romans 15:13 Paul sincerely says:
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. (NLT)
The moment the dentist said I had those cavities ,I can honestly say all my faith slipped away. True joy comes when you realize that you are literally nothing without the hand of God, but holding to faith allows God complete control to give you his best. I had forgot this. When my dentist finished filling my teeth she said, “you are now cavity free” yet I still cringed with sadness and even doubt of the cavities existence, but upon reflection I realized that ultimately nothing else matters without Him. A mouthful of teeth for a lifetime and eternal separation from God or two “bad” teeth, and everlasting relationship with my Heavenly Father. I’ll take the latter. Other people have bigger problems so, teeth or no teeth I’ll still smile, and no one can take that away. Teeth decay, the hottest styles decay, friendships decay, and eventually we decay… But this Joy that He gives doesn’t and life with Him is eternal. 🙂
20 years have gone by and as I prepare to enter a new year I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’ve come to the conclusion that all the things that have been weighing my mind down are not even worth it. Simply put, I’m over it. I’m done worrying about what people think about, what I’m gonna be when “I grow up”, whether or not I’ll find someone that learns to truly love me, and on and on and on. 2014 is a selfish year. Not selfish like “all about me, who cares about you”, selfish in I learn to love myself without expecting anyone else to. Alexander Pope said it best:
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
I’ve spent all my life expecting people to give me as much as I give them, but Jesus called us to love unconditionally so if I get nothing in return it was still worth it because I may be the only “Jesus” they see. As I obey Christ and try to live as he did, I know he’ll take care of me. It’s almost 2014, time to start fresh, time to leave it all behind.