I’ve fallen in love once. Well it wasn’t exactly a fall, more like a slow motion tumble, but before I knew it I found myself at one of the lowest points of my life…waiting for the person that made me feel on top of the world to pull me out. Oh the irony. I was young and naive, but I was “in love”. It was me and you, forever and always, but at 17 anything is possible right? I thought you were everything; always on my mind, and forever in my heart. You were It. Without the experience of “being in love”, comes the vulnerability to a Utopian idea of what true love is, not realizing there’s more to it than passionate kisses and recurring “I Love Yous”. Love is the sacrifice, the endurance through tough times, the selflessness when all you want to do is be selfish. It’s not Valentines’ day bears, or everyone saying you guys look good together; It’s the bond that’s created when no one is looking. The union of two that ultimately makes both of you stronger. Love isn’t for you, but for the person you say you love. Love letters, and kind words are nice, but love is a verb, a lifestyle, and deed done without second thought. Funny how I learned what love was by experiencing what it was not. I stumbled into what I thought was love, but that foolishness is what makes the sharp- eyed blind. It makes you forget the important things, like God and Family. It’s not even worthy of being called “love”. I forgot myself, and God and became consumed with who you were, and that’s where I went wrong.
If God is Love, than Love is God, but that doesn’t make the one you love a god, and if that’s the case then you’re doing it all wrong. I thought you were my first love, but in fact God was and that’s the only way to get it right. When you realize that Jesus was in fact that First Love, then it all falls into place. God loving you more than you could ever love yourself sets high standards for that man who says he loves you now. I doubt this man will die on a cross for you, but he sure as hell better come close to it. To whom much love is given much more is expected. We all want love, but are we willing to give it just the same? All my life I’ve searched for this love from little boys who told me I was pretty, when it was right in front of me all along. God’s love. It took me 20 years, but I know that I won’t be able to fully love a man until I can fully love God, and I’d rather not give a man any less if I expect just as much. As Maya Angelou taught me, “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God, that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” Call me old fashioned, but I’m no longer looking for love. “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.” I’ll just continue to hide in plain site as you search mister.
There’s so much to learn, but why not learn it from the original author of this thesis we call Love. It’s not as complicated as reality TV and romance novels make it, but one can’t fully understand it until they’ve had the right professor. I’ve fallen in love once, and to that I say “never again”. Next time I’d rather climb up with the one I love as we pull each other to the peak; growing closer to God and each other. And the thing that makes it so special is that there’s no rush. “Til death do us part” leave a whole lifetime of exploration, so stop rushing that thing you think is love and take time to enjoy the scenery, or you’ll be right where I was stuck in that hole called “foolish love”, waiting for the wrong person to pull you out.
- The Unconditional Love of God (olgatodd.wordpress.com)
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